IS BICYCLE RACING A TRUE SPORT?

By Tom Kando
 
    A few years ago,  I was surfing through various sports channels and I happened to catch a few minutes of something on one of the ESPN channels: There was the usual panel of sports commentators, discussing some major American sport (football, basketball or baseball, I forget), the current season, or whatever. The panelists were the usual assortment of ex-athletes, recruited from the ranks of retired NFL or  NBA stars - you know people like Cris Collinsworth, the former Cincinnati star wide receiver, Charles Barkley, the former Phoenix power forward, etc.

    A few of these sportscasters  are annoying, almost obnoxious. Take Charles Barkley, and some of what I saw on national television on this occasion.
    First of all, let me say that I have always found “Sir Charles” somewhat of an oaf. He is always grouchy.  He always  looks and talks angry. He seems to exude contempt for whomever he talks to, and for whatever topic he happens to be discussing. Smart and sometimes funny, yes, that he can be. But simpatico? Not to me.
    And so on  this occasion, you know what he and his two  or three acolytes at the desk in the TV studio were  discussing? Well, one of them (I believe  it was Barkley) proposed to set up a seminar, a panel discussion, with speakers arguing both the pros and the cons of the question,  and you know what the topic would be? This:

    IS BICYCLING (.E.G. THE TOUR DE FRANCE) A SPORT OR NOT?

    Now this really infuriated me - even if these four or five American sports commentators were speaking in jest. Because here are some aspects of bicycle racing which are relevant to what they were doing on that day, and to my anger about it:
   
    (1) Bicycle racing is one of the most grueling, excruciating, and skillful sports on the planet.

    (2) The Tour de France is the longest and most demanding athletic event in the world, watched by the largest live audience on earth. It is a 2500 mile race, in which 200 athletes cover 100 to 200 miles EVERY day, for nearly a month. Have you ever ridden 100 or 200 miles on your bike without stopping? I bet  you can’t. Well, these guys do this - every day, 25 days in a row.  They are in the saddle for five to six hours EVERY DAY. And they AVERAGE speeds of 30 or more miles per  hour, for the entire day. In the mountains, there are  uphill climbs that go on for 10 to 20 miles at a 15% angle, with no flat or downhill interrupting the endless climbs.
    I sometimes take a bike ride in the foothills of the California Sierra. I do a 60-mile loop, with a couple of two-mile climbs.  At my best, I can average 15 miles per hour for the whole ride, and that
nearly kills me.
    The Superbowl, the World Series and the NBA finals are picnics compared to the Tour de France.

    (3) the great bicycle champions - Indurain, Armstrong, etc. - are genetic freaks. (They may have  cheated with drugs, but so do most baseball players).   Their heart rate at rest is in the 20s. They don’t feel the pain of lactic acid when it accumulates in their muscles. Etc.
    (4) At the same time, professional bike racers tend be thin little men, weighing 120 to 150 pounds, they wear tight outfits that show bulging testicles, etc. So to idiots like Charles Barkley and some of my redneck American friends, they are figures of fun.

    (5) Bicycle racing has not been a patriotic all-American sport, like football, basketball, baseball or boxing. To stupid people, then, it is not MANLY. It is “faggy.”

    (6) Finally, there are practically no black bicycle racers. The last one I can remember is the North-African Zaff, in the 1950s.

    Thus, a sport that is almost totally  white and  practiced almost entirely by  funny-looking little Europeans  is easy prey to the ridicule of American bigots, including black American bigots.

    In reality, the sport is arguably far more demanding than the major American sports, yet this group of ESPN sportscasters  had the gall to suggest a panel discussion to determine once and for all whether the Tour de France should qualify as an athletic event.

    Here is my retort: let’s determine whether the World Series, the Superbowl and the NBA finals are true sports events. They are  probably all fixed by crooked referees, and no more real than World Federation Wrestling.

© Tom Kando 2014
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